The day we chose our own adventure, Part One

Dear readers, we are here to tell you a story. But unlike our other stories, YOU are here for this one. YOU and Chuck Norris. We will guide along your path, Padawan, giving you two choices at the end of every point. BEGIN!

You wake up. When you look outside and two stones start attacking you. Who you gonna call? If you call the Ghostbusters, go to 1. If you call Chuck Norris, go to 2.

1.
The Ghostbusters are 40 y.o men with flashy vacuum cleaners. How can they help? You die. Game over.

2.
Chuck Norris picks up a bird and hurls it. The stones are defeated. Chuck Norris is the only man who can kill two stones with one bird. Go to 3, brave warrior.

3.
All of a sudden a bomb falls out of the sky. The code is the last digit of infinity, and the last digit of pi. Who you gonna call? Batman, see 4. Chuck Norris, see 5.

4.
Batman tries to work on the bomb, but he is distracted by Robin's homosexual gestures. Batman screws up. You die. Game over.

5.
Chuck Norris quickly counts to infinity, twice, just to double check. He then calculates pi to infinity places. "The last digit is 4...and 2!" The bomb is disarmed. You live. Go to 6.

6.
A blizzard then hits your house. You begin to get frostbite. Who you gonna call? A doctor, see 7. Chuck Norris, see 8.

7.
Unfortunately, when we said "doctor" we meant "reindeer". Reindeer can't help. You die.

8.
You're in luck, because Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost. You live. Go to 9, liver.

9. Suddenly German fighter planes appear on the horizorn. Who you gonna call? Superman, see 10. Chuck Norris see 11.

10. Superman appears. For a man with so many super powers he does seem to get owned alot. He senses that Chuck Norris has been here and runs off out of fear. The German fighter planes kill you, Idiot! You die. Game over.

11. Chuck Norris comes running in and the German fighter planes explode. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!". You live, go to 12.

12. Suddenly an alien space ship crashes into your house. The aliens say that they need you to repair their ship. Who you gonna call? A private contractor go to 13 or Chuck Norris go to 14.

13. Private contractors are lazy and work slowly. The aliens enraged by your laziness and destroy your planet! (with the exception of Chuck Norris). You die. Game over.

14. Good idea Chuck, Norris is the ultimate handyman. While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. However Chuck Norris Does not work for anyone so he chooses instead to roundhouse kick the aliens through time and space. The aliens end up crashing at Roswell air base in the year 1947. You live adventurer go to 15!

15. MC Hammer appears. You need to steal his shiny pants in order to survive but everyone knows you can't touch MC Hammer. Who you gonna call? Dr. McPantsthief, go to 16, or Chuck Norris, go to 17.

16. Dr. McPantsthief is actually MC Pantsthief, and undercover agent for MC Hammer. They kill you. You die. Game over.

17. Chuck Norris is the only person who CAN touch MC Hammer. MC Hammer activates Emergency Hammertime, but to no avail. Chuck Norris wins. You live. Go to Part 2. When it comes.

Nick's review of Get Smart, The Dark Knight, Black Sheep

Recently, I have seen at least three movies, but I can only remember three, so I guess I can only review those three.

Black Sheep:

Baa-d movie (Lol, pun). I have blocked it out of my memory because of its lack of excellence. The zombie sheep gag dies quickly, and this movie is unnecessarily extremely gory. And so many plot holes. One good point is a sheep farting and blowing itself up. (WTF you think). Level 4. Pretty shite.

Get Smart:

A classic movie that perfectly lives up to the classic TV show. Steve Carell nails Maxwell Smart, and stapling heads are brilliant. Only problem was Tej's extreme loudness while eating and laughing. Level One.

The Dark Knight:

Tej got this one wrong. It is not awesome, it is MEGAAWESOMEWTFBBQBATMANRULLESSWOO!!!! awesome. One of the greatest movies I have ever seen. Everything was near perfection. Heath Ledger, Batman, Morgan Freeman, the non-aging guy from Lost, and the rest of the actors owned. Storyline: Owned. Action: Owned. Ownage: Owned. It owned. You see, Tej's problem was his expectations were set too high. And now yours are, after reading this. Hit yourself in the head repititively several times to forget you read this review, and now go see it. Or I will hit you more.

Tej's Review of Get Smart, Kung Fu Panda and The Dark Knight

Get Smart:

This movie was awesome! As a fan of the TV show this movie had to live up to big expectations and it did! Get Smart was hilariously funny. I could barely breathe because of the amount of laughing I was doing. This movie should definitly be watched. One of the best level 1 films in existence.

Kung Fu Panda:

It was a brilliant idea to have a panda doing kung fu. This movie had Potential. I'm a ninja and I also hold a blackbelt in taekwondo so any movie which involves martial ars automatically holds my attention. However even though the kung fu scenes were awesome, the comedy was basic and unfunny. Because of this I give Kung fu Panda a level 3.

The Dark Knight:

This movie cannot have a bad review. I did prefer Batman Begins, but the Dark Knight was a close second. This movie contained so much awesomeness that those watching whould be bleeding awesomeness for a week. This movie is a level one and those who do not go and watch this film do not deserve to have eyeballs!

Did you know....

...that Tej dabbled in being a Jedi before he became fully ninja? A secret training video of his secret training is below.

The day we captured Osama

And we captured him. The End.